Let's talk about it

At some point in the evolution of American culture it became all-important to communicate. All the self help and relationship gurus told us that the key to a happy and successful marriage was to be able to talk honestly about our feelings. We were advised to use "I" statements, not to blame the other person, and to take responsibility for our own role in creating whatever was upsetting us. We were reminded that when we point the finger, three of our fingers are curved back and point at ourselves. This was good advice.
Many of us applied these principles and took the risk of looking at ourselves in the mirror. As a result, we grew wiser as individuals and maybe even evolved as a society. But communicating, like everything else, can be overdone. It's not necessary to talk about every ripple on the water of a relationship. Water isn't supposed to be glassy smooth all the time; it's supposed to have ripples. Some of those ripples should be brought to light in a loving and kind way so both partners can examine their nature. But other ripples are probably best left alone to be just what they are--part of the great mystery of the unknown.
When you feel the need to talk about an issue with your partner, wait a beat (as actors say). Give yourself some time to process your own feelings first. What's triggering you, and why? Is your need to talk about it a subtle way of trying to change your partner? Breath into the situation and ask Spirit for peace and awareness. Then, if you still feel a need to talk about it, go back to basics. Keep it clean and to the point. And of course, use "I" statements. Because remember, three of your fingers are curving back at yourself.